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Chastity is possible for anyone to participate in – however, this article specifically focuses on people with a penis. In no way is the language used in this article intended to imply any gender based on genitals. SVAKOM understands that genitals do not equal gender. If you find any language in this article to be outdated, please let us know!
What is Chastity?
The definition of chastity changes depending on the context we put it in. Outside of kink and fetish, chastity refers to the complete abstinence of any sexual activity (especially pre-marital). However, in terms of kink/fetish chastity tends to lean towards a prevention of orgasm as opposed to sexual activity altogether. The act of chastity can be done as a moral obligation, where it is left entirely to the persons own willpower to prevent any sexual activities to take place which involve their genitals. It can also be “forced” through the use of a chastity device including chastity belts and penis cages.
For this, we are focusing on the sexual aspect of chastity and the ways it can be safely implemented and introduced into your sex life.
Why Participate in Chastity?
There are many reasons as to why people engage in voluntary chastity, as well as multiple benefits to it. In some cases, chastity has even proven to assist in helping with pre-mature ejaculation. However, some of the more common reasons to take part in chastity usually revolve around control. As the person acting out the chastity, you essentially hand over part of your bodily autonomy over to someone else – be this a partner(s) or frequented Dom. Handing over control can provide a huge rush for the person actively participating in the chastity and can help to further develop a bond of trust between all people involved.
Participating in chastity can also lead to more explosive and intense orgasms; denying any form of orgasm for a long period of time can heighten the feelings experienced when finally granted permission to release, allowing the body to re-sensitize itself to stimulation and the lead-up to an orgasm.
How Can I Get Started?
Chastity isn’t something you can simply dive right into, there’s a lot of trial & error, as well as practice. If you’re considering chastity as an option for your own sexual fulfilment, first you need to find someone you trust that consents to taking this journey with you.
It’s incredibly important for everyone involved to agree, that way you can guarantee everyone will have a good time and prevent any accidents. If you’re going down the route of having a Dom, be the keeper of your chastity, then you need to make sure you choose a reputable one that you can trust. It’s recommended to first try other sessions with your Dom to assess how compatible you are. Chastity is a long-time thing, and trust is the most vital ingredient in chaste pleasure.
If you have a partner(s) you are hoping to try chastity with, express this desire to them and gauge their reaction. Make it clear to them that if they aren’t into it – that’s perfectly fine! At times, especially in relationships, we can feel forced to agree to something our partner(s) wants to do. This often leads to either an uncomfortable confrontation where you are subject to unleashing your built-up frustration or dissatisfaction or have to hear your partner(s) express that they are unhappy. Both really suck so it’s best to try and avoid that.
Let’s say you have found someone more than happy to take this journey with you – excellent! What now? First things first, while the obvious starting point may be to go out and get yourself a penis cage – this isn’t a good idea. The majority of chastity revolves around one’s own willpower and charging head first into a cage could lead to complications.
Even when wearing a cage, it is still possible to reach an orgasm if your body is not used to this situation. Your first priority should be working towards withhold from masturbation or producing an orgasm without external help. Practice lasting a couple of days at first, then give yourself some well-deserved release. Then try going a little bit longer; a day or so. Keep doing this until you can comfortably last roughly a week without achieving an orgasm. Once you reach that benchmark – it’s time to start looking at devices that can take things up a notch!
What to Start With?
There are plenty of different chastity devices, including but not limited to penis-cages and chastity belts. It’s best to first start with a penis-cage as it will be a good way to accustom yourself and is more discreet to keep on when you’re out and about.
Penis cages come in different sizes, materials, and some are even adjustable. This is where you need to do a little bit of research. Some metal cages are a bit more restricting, but also don’t need to be cleaned as often – they do, however, tend to be more on the expensive side. Plastic ones can be good starting points. They’re cheaper, and come with different pros and cons. You can even order custom made penis-cages, though they tend to be a lot more costly.
It’s likely best to start with a cage that has adjustable rings at the base. It’s going to take a while to find the best size for you and being able to adjust the fitting will be a massive help. Ideally, measure yourself flaccid as best you can and go from there. It’s important to know that when you first put on your cage, you’re likely to be a little excited and not completely soft – so expect your first session to be a little uncomfortable. Of course, in no way should it be severely uncomfortable, or cause hurt.
How to Use the Cage?
So, you’ve got your first cage – now what? Well, first you need to understand that your body will need time to adjust to the foreign object. For your first few sessions, choose a day when you can stay at home and relax. When you first start wearing the cage, only do so for about an hour at a time. Afterwards, take the cage off and give your skin some time to breath before you put it on again. Doing this will help your body adjust to wearing the cage and make longer periods inside it more comfortable.
It’s a good idea when wearing a cage – especially for the first few times, to trim any pubic hair short. If you, have it off completely, you’ll find your skin becoming irritated from the cage rubbing against the raw skin, and if you don’t trim at all you could experience hairs getting caught up in the cage – ouch! It’s also a good idea to keep a bottle of water based lubricant handy. Apply water-based lubricant on the skin around and under the ring at the base. Doing so will minimise the amount of chafing cause by the cage shifting little by little as you wear it. Once it starts feeling dry again, apply a little bit more.
Obviously, a large part of chastity is someone else having the key; maintaining completely control over you. It is, however, recommended that you keep a spare key on you in case of an emergency. This can also increase the pleasure derived from chastity as you still need to exact strong willpower to refrain from taking it off and breaking the trust between you and the other people involved. While you’re working out the best size cage for you, there’s always room for error. You could end up with a cage that’s a little too small and starts suffocating your genitals, or you could have one that’s too big and keeps sliding almost off and causing harm. This is when you will need to use your emergency key to prevent any serious harm.
Now you’ve got the basic’s figured out – it’s time to find the perfect fit for you. When wearing your starting cage, pay attention to every minor detail of how it feels. Do you find it slips down a little too much/often? Does it feel irritable or perhaps too tight? Pay attention to these things and take notes if you need to. Once you have finalised whether your starting cage is too big or too small, it’s time to either adjust the rings and see how that feels or move onto your next cage. Having a cage with adjustable rings makes discovering the perfect size a lot easier, as you can slowly adjust until you find the one that fits just right – and there we go, we have the best size. However, if you don’t have an adjustable one, then slowly increase or decrease the size of your next cage and repeat this process. Spend a day seeing how you feel while wearing it (and giving yourself breaks to let the skin breath).
Time to Get Going
Now that you have practiced chastity via willpower, and found the perfect size for you, you’re ready to set off on your journey of chastity. It’s still recommended to keep an emergency key either on hand or in an easy to reach location in case of any problems that may occur. You should also be sure to keep checking up on what’s going on down-below and how you feel. If you have a cage that needs frequent cleaning (every 2-3 days), make sure to set reminders and clear some time to take the cage off and give it and your penis a good clean. You can even turn this into part of the sexual journey; asking your partner(s)/Dom for permission (your partner(s)/Dom should never say no to anything that is important for your health, if your partner(s)/Dom attempts to deny you when asking permission to clean or remove the device for anything health related you should immediately remove the device and begin searching for another partner(s)/Dom).
Discuss boundaries, safe words, and everything else necessary to have the best time. Make it clear what your intentions are while you embark on this journey and listen to the other person(s)’ opinions and desires. When bringing someone else into a sexual activity it’s important that everyone’s needs are met. You may desire chastity and to hand over control, but your partner(s)/Dom may want something a little different out of it. Listen to one another and find the best course of action to please everyone.