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Exploring our sexual desires can be intimidating at first. There are plenty of stigmas surrounding sexual positivity and exploring your own satisfaction throughout the world. So, what about when we want to introduce that to someone else? The topic of sex toys differs between people. Some find it an easy subject to talk about, no different than discussing what they had for breakfast. Whereas others may find it to be more embarrassing, shameful, private. If you’re newly thinking of introducing sex toys to your partner(s), you should first take a moment to consider how they view sex.
If your partner(s) tend to view sex under the guise of discretion, then outright confronting them with the prospect of using toys can simply push them back. If your partner(s) is more on the reserved side, you should try slowly introducing the concept. Maybe try mentioning a mutual friend who started using a new toy, gauge their reaction and willingness to the conversation. Depending on the response you get, you can work from there. After adding the topic of toys into conversation little by little, your request to start using toys together won’t seem out of the blue. To an extent, they will be prepared to discuss it.
It’s essential to listen to your partner(s) in this situation. If they seem to have any reservations about using toys, ask them to explain to you where the problem is. As they talk, listen. Pay attention to their concerns without interruption or trying to convince them. Feeling listened to and heard can have a powerful impact on making a decision. Once they have explained all their qualms surrounding the topic, gently reassure them on the issues that you can and understand the ones you can’t. Do not buy toys in advance. Showing your partner(s) that you have already purchased a toy puts a lot of pressure on them to say yes. Not buying in advance alleviates any nervousness or anxiety from your partner(s) and opens up the opportunity to search for toys together. This can do wonders for encouraging your partner(s) as it puts them in control. They can say which toys they don’t like the look of what doesn’t sound good to them, letting them know this should be an experience everyone enjoys. If, perhaps, you have been given a sex toy by a friend or something of the sort, explain that to your partner(s). Let them know right off the bat that you have not spent any money getting this toy and that there is no pressure to use it. Ideally, your partner(s) will be just as excited as you to try new experiencing and expand your sexual repertoire. If that’s the case, then that’s amazing! But ultimately, be careful to not pressure your partner(s) into doing anything they are not comfortable with. Sex and sex toys are only fun when everyone is engaged and comfortable.
You should also accept that this may take time. After a while or a few conversations, your partner(s) may end up coming around the idea. However, this decision should be made on their own. Accept the idea that they may never want to use sex toys, and take a moment to consider if that is something you are okay with. Maybe they’re not comfortable using them together but are more than happy for you to use them yourself. Discuss these things in an open and safe conversation free of judgment. Let your partner(s) know you expect the same courtesy from them.
Explore your sexual fantasies, explore your desires, explore your limits. Just make sure you do so with everyone’s consent!