A lot of people have the wrong impression of BDSM. We tend to think it needs to be dark, and moody, and deeply, deeply serious. Sometimes, it can be all of those things. But that doesn’t mean it needs to be only those things. It can also be fun, playful, and intimate.
Today, we’ll offer three different ways you can use sex toys in your BDSM play. First, let’s ground ourselves in some key principles.
An Introduction To Sex Toys & Bondage
If you’re here reading this, on this website, we probably don’t need to patronize you with a definition of BDSM. But it is still worth understanding the role of sex toys within BDSM.
Sex toys fall into 4 main categories when it comes to kink:
Impact toys, like whips and floggers and canes and spanking paddles
Sensory toys, like vibrators and feathers and ice cuves and Wartenberg wheels
Electro-stimulation toys, like TENS units and violet wands, which represent a small niche within this larger niche
Chastity & Control devices, like cages, clamps, restraints, and we’d argue app-controlled sex toys too.
Since BDSM is essentially all about experimentation, it’s useful to consider these categories when you’re selecting the right sex toy for your kinky preferences. It’s also crucial that you have negotiated interests and boundaries with any BDSM partner, otherwise it’s likely to be a one-sided experience at best.
Sex Toys & Sensory Play
When one or more of our body’s senses are restricted or diminished, the other senses are enhanced to compensate. This information is vital for understanding the heightened perception of pleasure in BDSM, and how it translates to sex is very simple: you can conduct these sensations like an orchestra.
Start with vision. We rely on our vision more than any of our other senses, it’s how most of us navigate the world. If you restrict it, our sense of touch intensifies in particular, to helps us move around more safely in the dark. We become extremely sensitive to physical touch when we’re blindfolded.
This is where the concept of layering comes in. With a blindfolded partner, you can use a vibe like CICI 2 on a low, ticklish setting on one erogenous zone, and then introduce a second, more intense vibe, like IRIS, on an even more sensitive zone. Building up on the nipples and then introducing a clitoral vibe too can be overwhelmingly pleasurable.
💡 Serving Suggestion
Ok so listen. Blindfolds are great. Fantastic. No notes. We love ‘em. But there’s this other thing, called the Mindfold.
It’s an open-eye blindfold. You can make it at home by grabbing some cheap ski goggles and blacking out the visor, or by using those cheap VR kits that you put your phone in. Having your eyes open but still not having vision is a whole new introspective and intense kind of pleasure.
Just take our word for this one: if you’re looking for new BDSM experiences, try this before you do anything else. Highly, highly recommended.
Sex Toys & Bondage
Restraint is the cornerstone of BDSM, and it’s where most people start. Tied hands or feet, or tied to an object, or for the more adventurous, suspended in shibari, is more than sex: it becomes art. Many find the sensation alone of being restrained to be sexually arousing. For those of us who eventually grow up kinky, it’s often a fantasy before we know what a fantasy is.
BDSM restraints are about power, and powerlessness. It’s about giving up control. Throwing a sex toy into the mix heightens the experience beyond measure: having a sex toy used on you while you’re restrained and unable to resist is, for a lot of us, the peak of sexual experience.
💡 Serving Suggestion
Find a wooden dining chair, with slats at the back. Restrain a partner naked, sitting upright, with their hands tied to the chair behind their back. Restrain their ankles to the chair legs. (Use hemp rope for extra sensation. Blindfold optional, but desirable.) Insert a NOVA ball, or slide on a WINNI 2 if they have a penis. Then use a wand-like vibe, such as the MINI EMMA NEO to stimulate all their other erogenous zones. Talk dirty the whole time. Like, REALLY dirty.
Orgasm Control & Deprivation
This one takes practice, but… the fun kind. Orgasm control involves relinquishing control of your pleasure entirely to a partner, and they will choose when you do or don’t climax. It’s like edging, but kinky.
Virtually all SVAKOM sex toys are app-integrated, allowing control to be handed off to a partner across the room, or across the world. For the sake of this exercise, let’s assume you’re together in person.
Orgasm control requires a deft touch, but by combining all the tips above, you can learn to play your partner’s body like an instrument. Restrain them, slip on a blindfold, use multiple toys all linked to the SVAKOM app, and experiment, bring them close, back them off, increase the sensations and decrease them, frustrate and annoy them until the moment their orgasm is allowed to overwhelm them. It will be all the more powerful for it.
💡 Serving Suggestion
Have them politely ask permission to orgasm. That’s always hot. And don’t overlook the aftercare for this one, it can be an incredibly intense experience.
Bondage Is Freedom
Introducing sex toys into BDSM can enhance not just your physical pleasure, but your intimacy and your connection too. BDSM relationships, in our experience, tend to be more intense and passionate than vanilla relationships, so sex toys are a crucial weapon in your romantic and kinky arsenal.
Wherever you are on your BDSM journey, what truly makes the difference is trust, respect, and open communication. So work on those first.
Stu Nugent
Sex Toy Veteran, Ancient Mariner of the Pleasure Industry
Featured in VICERolling StoneCosmopolitanForbes
Stu Nugent is a 20-year veteran of sex toys, an ancient mariner of the pleasure industry. In that time, he has accrued unmatched experience and expertise, and has been featured in VICE, Rolling Stone magazine, Cosmopolitan, and Forbes. He has worked with all the major brands and retailers.
Stu’s commitment to honesty is complete, and his loyalty is always to the customer. Stu brings a no-BS attitude to the sex toy industry, and advocates for plain, accessible language and inclusivity in sexual health and wellness.
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